My December
by yume girl 91
Summary: When he said, "you're just like her." I hadn't understood. Slight auish UXR one-shot. :D Please read!


~My December~

When he said, "you're just like _her_." I hadn't understood. _Just like who_? I wanted to yell instead my hand had found the one thing that wasn't nailed down in this place and threw it. I think he was hurt. The water of the glass splashed over his face wetting his hair and dripping onto his uniform.

"But you're not _her_." There was remorse in his voice, a difference in the cold tone he had spoken before with. But that couldn't be. An Espada couldn't feel. I scowled at his back and the closing door. _Take me back_, I wanted to say then I realized. Was there even anyplace to even go back to?

~*~

"Wear this."

The order was perfunctory, emotionless, nothing of what had been there before. I wondered if maybe I had imagined it. I approached him, my hands sliding into the bundle of white fabric. I sensed him watching me; I didn't like it. "What is this?" I demanded, holding up what he had brought me. I had never seen a deviation in the monotone of white and black inside Las Noches.

The Espada coolly surveyed my surprise. "There is no need for an explanation, trash."

Red and white.

Red Hakama and a white kimono. I didn't understand. He turned to leave. "Hey!" I lowered the clothing in my hands, glaring after him, "my name isn't trash, asshole."

I doubt he heard me.

Or even cared.

~*~

Maybe I was wrong.

"Kuchiki."

Surprised, I think is more the word. "Yes?" I inclined my head toward him, refusing to stand when he entered. He simply looked at me. I didn't know why I saw a hint of wistfulness in his eyes. It was like he was seeing another in my place.

"It suits you."

I wore the clothes he had brought me. Incensed, I averted my face from him. "Where are the others?"

He was silent for a moment, his hand sliding from his pocket. "Lord Aizen...is dead. I am one of the few left."

I hadn't asked that but now I realized where I stood. He was the one who had brought me here and most likely...he was in command. Hardly anyone other than him would be there to hinder me. But how to...

He touched my cheek. His hand was cold. I flinched and glimpsed his displeasure.

"You're not under orders. Let me go."

"You're here...because I want you to be." he said and turned on his heel. He was always leaving never staying though I had no wish for his presence, it made me wonder. Just what did he do once my door closed? And... _'I want you to be?' _

What the hell does that mean?

~*~

"Who won?" I didn't like looking at the moon; it made me feel lonely. His entry was soundless even though the pressure in the room increased ever so slightly. "I do not know." he sounded tired; my gaze rose from the nondescript rug on the floor. "How can you not know?!" I leapt from the sofa and ran to him, "if the traitor Aizen is dead, why're you still here?!"

The Espada lifted my hands from his jacket front, clenching my wrists until I hissed in pain. "I have no place to go." he said and released me. I stumbled back, my eyes tearing. "You don't either."

"Don't compare me with you," I spat even though I realize now that my anger was irrational. We looked at each other warily, perhaps it was only me who did for I could detect no change in his countenance, except the slightest lift of his mouth.

"We are not the same...?" he seemed to question the room. I questioned his sanity.

~*~

I was looking at the moon. I had nothing else to do but watch it hang in the perpetual dark sky wondering if one of the others was looking at another moon in a different sky. I smiled to myself. Whimsicality wasn't part of me. Maybe solitude had made me so. Come to think of it..._he_ hadn't shown up today; I was thankful I had saved a hard roll from yesterday otherwise I might have starved.

But...where was he? It didn't seem like him to be late, even more so with a lack of duties. I didn't know what he had done in between missions. Frowning, I checked my thought process. It wasn't my business to ask though a thread of curiosity had interwoven itself in me.

~*~

"Where were you?" I couldn't stop from asking. I don't know if he heard something in my tone or my manner but he seemed slightly pleased. "Curious?"

"Yes!" I snapped then immediately regretted my haste. He didn't have to know it had consumed half my thoughts the full day concerning his whereabouts. Angrily I turned away, "only because I was starving, so don't be thinking it was anything else!"

He was quiet then. So was I. I don't think I understood half of my vehement retraction as I could think of nothing to hide by expressing simple curiosity.

~*~

He came; I pretended to be asleep. I didn't think he would drop down to my level as I lay on my side, my arm folded cradling my head. I never expected his touch could be so gentle.

When he left once again, my eyes flew open. My hand rose self-consciously to my face. Had I dreamed it all? _Had the Espada just_...my gaze went to the door. No click. Always the moment he was on the other side, the lock would click into place. _It hadn't this time_. Had he forgotten it?

I was afraid to hope.

~*~

It opened at my hand. I was left in a long high-ceilinged hallway. I glanced either way; nothing. Good. As long as I wasn't caught. The floor was cold under my socks, my steps were silent as I crept toward a staircase that wound upward into darkness. I paused at the landing; silence. Not a footfall to account for. I was safe so far.

I wish I could say the sight of him solitary beneath the gallery's skylight with the moon pouring down upon him didn't affect me so. The stair had rounded out into a spiral and I stayed several steps below, looking through the railing shyly at him.

I wondered as I have now, just what was going through his mind then.

_Was it loneliness?_

_Anger toward Soul society? _

_Or something unfathomable that I'll never know_?

I think I was afraid to wonder too deeply because it wasn't my place to know. I only wandered back to my room, confused and more than a little frightened with myself and what I was beginning to feel toward him.

I slept little that night.

~*~

Love.

It's alien to me. I've never been one to express my emotions more to bottle them inside and keep them close to me. I don't like to think he would be my first love. I tell myself it's impossible, I repeat everything in my mind that kept me from falling for Ichigo. He's a human--we're from two different worlds--life and death can't intersect--whatever. Even though I say it, it doesn't change anything. I found myself impatient, waiting for him to appear through the door.

I need to stop this.

It's ridiculous.

~*~

I've never spoken his name.

"Ulquiorra, is it?" I said, feeling somewhat pleased with myself. I sensed his surprise. He nodded slightly. I wondered what Orihime had called him when she was here. At least we seemed to be off _trash/woman _and _asshole_.

"Eat, woman."

Scratch that. We _were_. "Kuchiki is fine," I managed to say through a tightly controlled voice. He didn't seem to hear me. Ignore me then. I concentrated on eating the cold meal before I realized he was watching me again.

"What're you staring at?!" it came out harsher than I had wanted.

". . ."

"Well, don't do it. It's annoying!" Once the words left my mouth I realized how ridiculous I must sound. But it felt too awkward to apologize so I didn't.

~*~

I won't admit it because part of me knows it can't be true.

I pondered the moon today, refusing to wait for his coming. I wondered if the moon always stayed in the same place, never moving across the sky like the one in Soul society and the living world did. I wondered if Ulquiorra looked at the moon above his world and questioned it as well?

Someone entered.

"Ulquiorra, have you--"

"Rukia!"

I knew that voice. "Ichigo?" Brash, earnest face capped by a head of orange hair stuck up in spikes. His Shihakusho was ripped in some places and streaked with blood. He stood in the doorway and stared at me like I was crazy. "What's that look for?! Of course it's me, idiot! Hurry up!"

I realized I was hesitating in his eyes. I didn't run to him like before.

_I was free now. _

_I had been rescued._

But for some reason I wasn't glad.

*~*

"...and what's with that getup?! You look like--"

"How long have I been here?" I walked in step with him down the empty corridor. We passed the body of one in white stained with blood and I half-feared it was _he_. But no. It was another. Undoubtedly Ichigo's handiwork.

I sensed him looking at me strangely. I ignored him. "A month, Rukia. Geez you didn't know? The entire month of December, you've been gone."

Oh. It felt like it had been longer. "Did we win?"

"Yeah...what's the matter? You're lookin' funny. Did something--"

A groan came from below the staircase and pale hands appeared on the last step.

_Ulquiorra_.

"Haven't had enough, Schiffer?" Ichigo reached for his Zanpaku-to. "Let him be," I said; I didn't want to see _him_ sliced apart but I couldn't tell Ichigo that. To him, Ulquiorra was our common enemy, no less. He didn't see him as I did then and I was sorry for it.

"He'll bleed to death anyway." my voice didn't shake as I spoke and I knew oblivion wasn't long for coming to him as his lower half was a bloodied mass of white dyed a sickening red. I felt something inside me ache. _Ichigo had done this for me_.

I should be feeling relief and release not this hurt.

But still I couldn't stop myself from looking back. Dulling eyes stared after us and I hoped he wouldn't be alone wherever Arrancars went after they died. He said something quietly and I've wondered about it ever since.

_"Hisana..."_

My sister.

*~*

When he said, "you're just like _her_." I hadn't understood then. I think I do now.

~Fin~

Disclaimer: Don't own Bleach.

AN: Complete. Happy birthday to me! :) Last year I didn't write myself one because 'Kuchiki-chan 13' was supposed to. :P As you can see I'm still waiting! --Sore spot there. The idea for 'Obsidian Dawn' was the one I had meant to give her along with the title of 'Fallen' however I never did. I'm glad I didn't anyway. *~* I wonder if you understood what I was trying to imply with this fic-?

A long time ago when he was alive, Ulquiorra was in love with Hisana. They died and became separated and she didn't remember him and married Byakuya and so on but then later he sees Rukia and hence (you're just like her) this is auish in the respect that Aizen is dead, the war has ended but Ulqui was still alive well--he did die in the end. ;.; Really tho' I was aiming for a mood of melancholia with the atmosphere of the fic. :)Thank you for reading--no flames or idiotic spammers (for you I have ancient soggy tissues in reserve so beware!) For those who review, (a slice of cyber cake) wink. ;)


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